Republican Secretary of State of Arizona, Ken Bennett, raises some of the same issues OFGS discussed last week about the idiotic Birther bill, HB 2544. It’s heartening to see there is a sane Republican in the state government.
But what worries Ken Bennett, the current secretary of state, is that he also would have to be furnished “an original long form birth certificate that includes the date and place of birth, the names of the hospital and the attending physician and signatures of the witnesses in attendance.” Without that, he said, the measure would bar him from including the candidate’s name on the ballot. …
For example, he said, people seeking birth certificates from many states, often for passports or other documentation, are instead furnished with a “certificate of live birth.” That usually takes the form of a state official certifying, under oath, that there are documents on file proving a specific person was born on a specified date.
That’s not all, Bennett said, pointing to the requirement for the birth certificate to have the names of the attending physician and the signatures of witnesses.
“If you were delivered at home with a midwife, does that mean you are no longer qualified to be the president of the United States?” he asked. “If there aren’t any signatures of witnesses in attendance, you’re no longer qualified?”
And what, exactly, is a “long form birth certificate,” he asked.
“Is that a standard term of art that means the same thing in all 50 states?” Bennett continued. “And is it even available in all 50 states?”
Because HB 2544 is inescapably, justifiably supreme fodder for ridicule, not because we want to be mean to Arizona State House ignoramuses, OFGS will help out and present, in honorable Alinskyite
AN ACT
Amending Title XXX, Chapter XXX, { STATE or COMMONWEALTH } Revised Statutes, by adding Article XXX; Relating to the Certification of Major Party Candidates to the { STATE or COMMONWEALTH } National Ballot for Quadrennial Election to President or Vice President of the United States.
BE IT enacted by the Legislature of { STATE or COMMONWEALTH }:
Section 1.
Article i.
Declaration of Policy.
This Act shall apply to Major Party Candidates to the extent that the Party is Democratic and not Republican, Tea Party, Workers, Socialist, or any other Party.
This Act shall apply for candidates for President and Vice President to the extent that the Candidate under screwtiny is a Candidate for the Presidency.
Article ii.
Purpose.
It shall be the purpose of this Act to ensure and assure that the great { STATE or COMMONWEALTH } of { XXX } perform according the highest lights in accord with our Lord and Framer’s purest and nonsecular Intent as enshrined in The Constitution in providing such guarantees to We The People that they may rest assured that No President shall have achieved that high office and status of Commander-in-Chief without ultimate due process insofar as affirming with absolute proof that he or she would have qualified to the exclusive standard as intended by the Framers and Founders, and is unquestionably a Natural Born Citizen as required in The Constitution, Article II, Section 1.
Section 2.
Article i.
Terms.
We take the inspired word of Emerich de Vattel’s “Law of Nations” (as translated into English 10 years after ratification of The Constitution) as our sufficient guide to interpretation of The Constitution, except where he advocates for universal public education, universal health care, and the rights of kings to invade sovereign lands in order to carry away women as breeding stock. In fact, we bow to Vattel only for the singular phrase, “…natural-born citizens, are those born in the country, of parents who are citizens,” or roughly .005% of this great book so revered by the Framers that they referred to it about once for every 20 times they referred to Blackstone, and only ever in the context of international and diplomatic law. In this we also ignore the fact that at the time of the ratification of The Constitution, no such phrase containing the term “natural-born citizen” existed in any edition of Law of Nations, and the French term “parens” at the time had a meaning closer to “people,” or “forebears.” Anyhoo, that’s what we’ll go by, for starters.
Article ii.
Entry into Effect and Withdrawal
This act shall apply from 2011 until November 15, 2012, after which it will have served its purpose.
Section 3.
Article i.
Directives.
A.
The Secretary Of State and Chief Officer of Elections { replace these terms for the equivalent Offices in your State or Commonwealth } shall allow to be placed on the ballot for President and Vice President all those who shall apply and meet existing qualifications as outlined in { insert Electoral Code and State Law Citations here }, including presentation of affidavit submissions from their Major Party Chairperson, except:
§ Those that cannot present a Certified Birth Certificate or Birth Instrument from this or another State, which we are bound to accept under Full Faith and Credit.
§ Or if they can, excepting those who cannot also present a Certified Long Form Birth Certificate from this or another State, that includes footprints, names and signatures of Doctor and two witnesses, notarized seal of the Birth Hospital, and a DNA sample cross-referenced to placental matter in cryostorage.
§ Or if they can, excepting those who cannot also present an Original Birth Certificate, inscribed with calligraphy on parchment carbon-dated to the year of their putative birth.
§ Or if they can, excepting those who admit to one or more of their “parens” having been not “under the jurisdiction” of the United States at the time of their birth.
§ Or if they were, excepting those one or more of whose parents held a citizenship foreign to the United States.
§ Or if this is deemed to be unConstitutional, excepting those one or more of whose parents may have passed on dual citizenship to their child at birth.
§ Or if this is deemed to be inapplicable under law, or if it would then also exclude 68% of the current US natural-born population from running for President, excepting those who traveled outside the US at any time in their childhood, especially to
savageinfidelhereticalMuslimdark-skinnedstrange archipelagoes.§ Or if this is found not to be a Constitutional impediment, excepting those who cannot show that an adoption in Indonesia that never took place was ever revoked.
§ Or if this is found to to be ridiculous, excepting those who were given a nickname in childhood, particularly one beginning “Soe” and ending in “barkah.”
§ Or if this is found to be inconclusive, or if other candidates similarly situated also are found to have nicknames, excepting those who have already subjected the US to four years of tyranny and destruction.
§ Or if this is found to be too subjective a measure. excepting those whose name is Barack H. Obama.
Section 4.
Article i.
Construction and severability.
A. This Act shall be liberally construed so as to effectuate its purposes.
B. This Act is intended to operate as the Law of the Nation with respect to the party States and to supersede any inconsistent State and federal law and to establish vested rights in favor of residents of the party States.
C. If any phrase, clause, sentence or provision of this Act is declared in a final judgment by a court of competent jurisdiction to be contrary to the Constitution of the United States or is otherwise held invalid, the validity of that final judgment shall be null and void, and the Judges thereof shall be deemed traitorous.
D. If the applicability of any phrase, clause, sentence or provision of this Act to any government, agency, person or circumstance is declared in a final judgment by a court of competent jurisdiction to be contrary to the Constitution of the United States or is otherwise held invalid, the validity of that final judgment shall be null and void, and the Judges thereof shall be deemed traitorous, and their clerks, especially if their last names sound Indian, shall be hounded by flying monkeys to the end of time.
Respectfully Submitted: Verbalobe
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